Tuesday, June 5, 2012



I dropped my best friend, my husband, my partner, my everything off at the airport on Sunday. He was dressed in his ACUs and laden with a camouflage backpack and Army duffle bag. I had to say goodbye to him for a month while he attends war exercises. (aka "WAREX") Up until we got to the airport, I was totally cool as a cucumber. I've done this before. He was gone for a month last year, and I totally took it in stride. This is being an Army wife.

But this time? I lost it.

I stepped out of the car to give McKay and hug and kiss goodbye and the tears just started flowing. But I had to let him go. This is his job. This is what he does. Ugh.

Watching him walk away was so hard.

Gabe didn't understand what was happening until we started driving away. Then he started crying and reaching back toward McKay saying "Mommy, go back! I wanna get on the plane with Daddy!" And that made me cry even harder. I kept telling him "I know, baby. Mommy wants to go with Daddy too, but we can't. Daddy has a job to do. He's working hard so he can come home and play with you soon sweetie." I hated seeing him so upset. He cried for a solid ten minutes and then whimpered and sniffled the rest of the way home.

And now I'm a single parent for a month. It is so much more difficult this time and think it's because I'm pregnant (and this pregnancy has been a lot harder on me physically than my first) and I have a super energetic two and a half year old who is demanding my attention. I just can't keep up with him. I'm tired. I don't feel the greatest. And Gabe is just at one of those stages...

I think because I'm both physically and emotionally drained, everything seems insurmountable. It's all I can do just to drag myself out of bed to make breakfast for my hungry toddler every morning. And then he's making messes right and left and his attention span is like five minutes long--how do I keep him entertained?! On top of all that, we recently moved, so we don't really know very many people around here, which means not a lot of playmates.

I'm trying to keep myself busy so the time will pass faster. All these mini projects are making me more tired, but that's kind of a given being pregnant anyway, so I'm just dealing with it. They are also distracting me a bit...and that's when stuff like this happens....

Gabriel got into my fingernail polish and dripped/drizzled it all over his cute little rug (it looks like a town with roads that he can drive his toy cars on). I was so mad! I tried everything google had to offer to no avail. I canNOT get this fingernail polish out of his rug. Bummer.

Yesterday, I tackled a few much-needed post-move projects (some unpacked, disorganized toys and clothing found their homes--and I ended up with a whole laundry basket of neglected toys and blankets that I can clean up and give to Evangeline when she gets here!) which totally wiped me out. I wanted to sleep in this morning but--oh yeah--I can't. I woke up with a screaming headache. I feel really bad because I kinda let the tv babysit Gabe today. He spent a good portion of the day coloring and playing with play-doh while watching Looney Toons and the Disney Channel.   >.<

Every day, I have these moments where I totally lose it and I just break down and bawl. I miss my husband and I hate single parenting. It just reminds me of my first year as a mother and how hard that was for me emotionally. McKay is my rock. He is such an excellent father and a fantastic husband. I hate going to bed at the end of the day without him next to me.

This sucks. 

So McKay is training for war and so am I, I guess. The military is not only made up of the men and women who signed the dotted line and swore to protect us and our country. It is made of up them, their spouses, their children, their parents--everyone who loves them. While he's away, he trains for war. I train for life without him. I have to be strong and supportive for him so he can do his job and do it well and know that things at home are okay because I am here taking care of our family. But I still hate being here without him.

Sorry to be such a whiner...my hormones are all over the map these days.

P.S. I took my glucose test on Friday (blech!) and the results came back and my sugar levels are great. BUT....I'm slightly anemic. Yay. Iron pills, here I come. 


  1. Ashley! This post about broke my heart! Let's get together and play! I mean it. For reals. Call me!

  2. Ashley! This post about broke my heart! Let's get together and play! I mean it. For reals. Call me!