Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Umm...what?

I haven't logged into blogger for about a week. Holy crap, people. Things are a-changin'! I'm still a little confused and disoriented. How....why....I just....want to know how to do what I used to do. 


Anyway, the monthly VLOG is due today, but I'm a yutz and totally spaced recording it, so it will be here later today/tonight. For now, I'm sitting here on my lunch break at work eating a cup o' noodles with a SPOON because all the forks are gone from the break room. I hadn't planned for this. It's usually the spoons that are gone...


Y'all, I have bee busy lately. My days have been crammed full of errands and appointments and other various to-do list items up until today. I started FLYing a few days ago, and it's really helping!! So much so that ALL of my laundry is done....but it needs to be folded. So I have no plans for tonight other than to fold my little heart out.


It's weird adjusting to McKay being gone. Though I am always grateful for all of his help around the house and in the yard and with Gabriel, I never really took a full, accurate account of how much he really does. He is WONDERFUL! I realized that, while I am griping about laundry and cooking and other general housekeeping, I never have to worry about the trash. Or the litter box. Or even getting the mail. (The mailbox has not been touched since McKay left...)


I feel like I am doing well with basically being a single mom again. It is difficult to go back to when you're used to a second pair of hands though. I'm managing fine (mostly because I'm keeping myself in a sweet state of denial and I just don't think about him being gone--being super busy has really helped with that!), but Gabriel is having a hard time with it. He asks for Daddy every day. I have to be careful not to bring McKay up in conversations within earshot of Gabe because he comes running over signing "Dad" and repeating "Dah! Dah!?" Nope. Sorry buddy. McKay left his wedding ring with me (it's tungsten, so if anything happened and they couldn't remove his ring, they would need a diamond-plated blade/saw to cut it off....best to avoid that altogether) and I wear it on a chain around my neck along with my Gabriel pendant. Kiddo is always grabbing it and putting it on one of his fingers. Then he looks up at me and says "Dah? Wheh?" He misses Daddy and doesn't understand why he's gone.





I've noticed that Gabe is displaying a little bit of separation anxiety, which is really new for me. Gabriel has never had any issues in that area. I had to switch to a slightly later shift  while McKay is gone so that I can take Gabe to daycare. OH. MY. GOSH. That was a huge adjustment for me. It has been both good and bad. I get to sleep in a little more (+1), but my morning routine had changed quite a bit (-1) since I have to get myself ready AND Gabriel. I haven't had to do that in a while and his routine has changed since the last time I did it. I missed seeing my cute little boy waking up. He has the cutest sleepy/waking up face! SO adorable. (+1) He got Mamma's sleeping habits and preferences, though, so waking him up is not the easiest. We usually just let him sleep until he wakes up on his own, which is around 10-12 hours a night (I know--freaking awesome. I trained him well. Babywise principles, people. They work.). Waking him up is not a good idea. He doesn't like waking up when it's not on his own accord. (-1) Anyway, I think he has separation anxiety because Daddy left and still hasn't come back, so if Mommy leaves who knows when she'll come back? Poor, sweet baby. I hate leaving him when he's crying or upset. (Luckily, he's a boy and his attention is easily diverted with cars, blocks, and balls...)


The new commute to work SUCKS. Driving to work at 4:45am vs. 6:45am is a big difference. There are more idiots people on the road. I liked having the freeway pretty much to myself. The more people on the freeway=more bad drivers to encounter. They are a-plenty in these parts, and Mamma has road rage!! (-1) Having a later shift means that my lunch break is actually around lunch time, which is nice (+1), but I also get out of work later (-1) and I feel like my whole day is gone. I liked getting out of work at 2pm because I could still run errands and get things done before having to get dinner started and whatnot.


All in all, though, the extra hour or so of sleep is FANTASTIC. (+94,558,315)


I think I can handle it. (as long as I don't think about my hubbin being gone for the next three and a half weeks)

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