It feels like my first day all over again.
One call in particular made me feel especially stupid. All of the information I could find didn't help and we're super busy today, so I couldn't really ask any of my coworkers either. I had no idea what I was doing. NO idea. I'm not used to that. I felt really small and helpless and dumb.
It was a weird, gut wrenching, awful sensation. This is my JOB. I'm supposed to know how to help these people. I was completely lost, and this guy was beginning to realize that. Great.
I felt like I was suffocating in a cloud of ignorance. It was a horrible feeling.
I finally got my hands on some good info and bounced back pretty quickly. It ended well, but I was teetering on the edge there for a bit.
It reminded me of one of my biggest fears. I'm not afraid of snakes or bears or sharks or heights or dying. Though each of those things can suck sometimes, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of them.
My biggest fear: Not living up to my own expectations. <---Had to confront that one today. I hated hated HATED it. I am not fond of feeling inadequate.
But it's over now--thank goodness!
What is your biggest fear? Have you ever had to come face to face with it?
P.S. I felt my blood pressure/bpm rise while I was typing this. Just from thinking about/remembering how this situation made me feel. That's how much anxiety I get when I'm in a situation where I feel like I should know something and I don't. I'm still having a hard time calming myself down. I may need to take a walk. [Not kidding]