Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fear Numero Uno

I'm feeling particularly bogged down today at work. Almost every client I've talked to has presented an issue that I have never dealt with before. 

It feels like my first day all over again.

One call in particular made me feel especially stupid. All of the information I could find didn't help and we're super busy today, so I couldn't really ask any of my coworkers either. I had no idea what I was doing. NO idea. I'm not used to that. I felt really small and helpless and dumb.

It was a weird, gut wrenching, awful sensation. This is my JOB. I'm supposed to know how to help these people. I was completely lost, and this guy was beginning to realize that. Great.

I felt like I was suffocating in a cloud of ignorance. It was a horrible feeling.

I finally got my hands on some good info and bounced back pretty quickly. It ended well, but I was teetering on the edge there for a bit.

It reminded me of one of my biggest fears. I'm not afraid of snakes or bears or sharks or heights or dying. Though each of those things can suck sometimes, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of them.

My biggest fear: Not living up to my own expectations.  <---Had to confront that one today. I hated hated HATED it. I am not fond of feeling inadequate.


But it's over now--thank goodness!

What is your biggest fear? Have you ever had to come face to face with it?

P.S. I felt my blood pressure/bpm rise while I was typing this. Just from thinking about/remembering how this situation made me feel. That's how much anxiety I get when I'm in a situation where I feel like I should know something and I don't. I'm still having a hard time calming myself down. I may need to take a walk. [Not kidding]


  1. We all have those days, but you are smart and great at your job so you'll get through it! :)

    Keep your head up chickie, you're going to do fine!

  2. Being rejected by a loved one, and yes.