Friday, August 27, 2010

Still learning...

Every year I grow older and I have discovered something: You are never as mature as you think you are when you find it really cool/important to be mature. Like when I was nineteen and I thought I had the world in the palm of my hands. Obviously I had reached a certain level of maturity, but nothing near the level I took false pride in. It sometimes takes rough life experiences to show you how immature you really are and how much growing up you still have yet to do. And when those times come about, I really get my face rubbed in it.

Life is, essentially, a series of lessons. I have always thought that was obvious and have always been annoyed at the supposedly "profound" question, 'What is the meaning of life?' (insert question marks and/or exclamation marks to fit your level of curiosity or passion on the subject). What a dumb question. What do you mean, 'what is the meaning of life?'?! Duh! To learn. To love. To grow. To give. To experience things. What else is there? Seriously. What a dumb question.

So recently (and by that, I mean earlier today) I discovered a somewhat disturbing truth about myself via a text conversation/debate/discussion/sort of argument about life's recent frustrations with none other than....my mom. Why is she technologically inclined enough to have text conversations? Education of the elderly is becoming the bane of my existence. That's an exaggeration. On many counts. For one, my mom isn't "elderly"--she's twenty years older than me. And I really don't think I could ever seriously go to the extreme of considering anything the bane of my existence.
I digress.
Where was I? Right--discovered something about myself. Are you ready for this? Like I said before, it's somewhat disturbing and, dare I say.....sad...?

In most situations (more than nine times out of ten) I would rather be respected than loved.

HOW MESSED UP AND TWISTED IS THAT?
I'm grotesque, I know.

Seriously though--it's true. I would rather have someone dislike me and still respect me (or at least be respectful) than have it the other way around. If you think about it, you probably feel the same way. Would you really want to be around somebody who loved you but did not respect you? Not even on a basic, human level? I think not. So yeah--most people (to an extent) would agree with me. But wait--it goes to a more extreme level. I think if it came right down to it and I had to choose between respect and love, I would choose respect.

See? I am still learning things about myself. And to think--I thought I knew who I was when I was twenty years old....thought I had everything figured out....that makes me laugh until I frown...and then I think until it hurts....and then I blog about it and fall asleep....but not always with the blogging thing....

2 comments:

  1. Hi Ashley! I don't know if you remember me, we were in the same ward in Spanish Fork, I think that you and my sister Alison are about the same age, you might be a little older. My blog is private but if you'd like an invite just let me know your email address. Mine is calileo2002 @ hotmail . com

    I've been following your blog, and I think you are one amazing person. You are so willing to examine yourself honestly, and above all be STRONG throughout it all. :)

    Through some recent life experiences, I have come to realize that love without respect is not real love, and respect without love is not where happiness lies in the long run - at least for me.

    I love what you said - "To learn. To love. To grow. To give. To experience things. What else is there?" I so much agree!

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  2. Just a thought....I think is someone really loves you...they will respect you. In my mind, respect and love go hand in hand. Rarely will you find one without the other, at least in a deep, true sense.

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