Wednesday, January 28, 2009

An Update Is Needed, To Be Sure

Oh man. It has been so long since I've written. So much has happened. I'll start from the beginning and try to keep it short (NOT gonna happen, but at least now you know I tried...)

Florida was first. Then my mom showed up.

I'm not saying that I can't stand living with my mom, but.....I sort of can't stand living with my mom. Which is why moving out when I was 17 was a relief. I love her to pieces--don't get me wrong. We just can't be under the same roof for more than a few days. We both have very strong personalities (if you've ever read The Color Code--do it if you havent--I'm a dominant Red and she's a dominant Blue. Oh boy.) so I'll just blame it on that. WE get along, it's just our personalities that don't. We're the best of friends when we don't live together.

But there's some stuff before that and some stuff after that before I tell you why I moved to Texas.

I was on myspace one night and I got a message from some random guy telling me that I have beautiful eyes or something. Normally I don't respond to people I don't know (call me a freak, but I don't use myspace, or the internet really, to meet people--I use it to keep in touch). But I noticed he was from the area and I figured possibly meeting someone to at least hang out with wouldn't be the worst thing. We wrote back and forth for a while that night and eventually exchanged IM addresses, which eventually lead to the exchange of phone numbers, which lead to us getting together and going on a date. That guy was Ray.

Now Ray is probably going to come up later in this post and most likely will make an appearance in future posts, so don't push him aside yet.

Then my mom showed up and it is at this point that we begin her reign of terror. It really wouldn't be so bad if my sister wasn't so non-confrontational, or at least showed some resemblence to an animal with even a HINT of a backbone, but that isn't the case, so I stood alone in my feeble attempts to rebel against this tirade. I don't know why I am ever surprized by that though. It has always been that way. TJ just doesn't care and never has--he just does what he wants when he wants with no consideration of other people or consequences, and Candace just doesn't want to make people mad--she strives for at least the appearance of naive-happy normalcy no matter the cost or sacrifice. So you can see I've weathered the Roberta Storm by myself for the past 22 years.

What finally did it was...well, it was a few things. I had noticed that every once in a while she would go outside to take calls. That's not like her. She'll have full on arguments with her husband, sex talks, what-have-you in front of almost anyone. We all got a little suspicious. Then, out of nowhere my phone line was disconnected. The only person who had the power to do that was McKay. My mom disagreed with the whole divorce from the start and has always adored my ex. I had the strangest feeling she was in cahoots with him. (Felt like she kinda had it in for me too. Most people would say, "What?! You're crazy. She's your MOTHER. She loves you." I don't doubt that, but you don't know Roberta. She was upset about the divorce and the change in my religious thought process and didn't like how close I was getting to Ray--especially since Ray isn't Mormon. She can be kind of vindictive.) So, long story short, we found out she had been talking to McKay AND she went behind my back and stole my job as Lily's caretaker. 1)WHY was she talking to my ex?! WHY?!! She had no reason to. I felt totally betrayed by my own mother. She got him to shut off my phone line, even though we agreed to keep it open until the contract ended and I would pay for half of the bill. She has no reason to continue contact with him. None. She told me I was being unfair to the man who treated me like a plaything--the man I divorced and left EVERYTHING--a house, a car, furniture, our CAT--to. Wow. What a mom. Thanks for being supportive and taking YOUR DAUGHTER'S side. Or not. 2)Candace was moving back on base and could only have one non-military resident living with her IF that person was the caretaker of her child. That was supposed to be me. But, out of vindictive selfishness, my mother went behind my back and talked Candace into letting it be her instead. She just wanted to be able to be there with Candace and Lily longer. I can understand that, but she has a HUSBAND to go home to (he didn't fly out). She doesn't care though, because she really doesn't like spending that much time around Mike. They drive each other nuts. So this was kind of an escape for her. Another issue: I moved to Florida to do this. I MOVED there. That was where I lived. I didn't have anywhere else to go. What the HELL was I supposed to do? I couldn't live with Candace anymore once she moved back on base. But my mom didn't care about that. When I brought that point up to her she said, and I quote, "I don't know, Ashley. That's not my problem. You're an adult. Figure it out. I'm the grandma--I should be the one to stay here with them." WHAT?!?! I spent all my little pennies moving out there. I didn't have any money to go somewhere else. SHE HAD A HOME TO GO TO! She had a place to live. Candace's house WAS my place to live!! Plus, I JUST got divorced. She had to leave at SOME point, anyway, and then what would Candace do? Spend money she didn't have to send Lily to daycare with some stranger? My mom didn't care about any of that though. All she could see was what she wanted. She didn't care that she was making me homeless for the second time in my life. She didn't care that Candace was going to be S.O.L. when my mom would eventually have to go back to her miserable life in Kansas. She didn't care. All she knew was that she was the grandma and she could get whatever she wanted because she KNEW Candace wouldn't say a word to her--and in this situation, I couldn't fight against it. (Oh yeah, she found a way to be able to stay with Candace to take care of Lily and get PAID by the state of FL to do it. Mmm hmm--I know. Shouldn't GRANDMA be willing to do it for free?)

Whatever. Anyway, on July 13th the most beautiful thing happened--Lily was born. It was, by far, the most amazing event I have ever had the privelege of being a part of. I was supposed to be Candace's "coach" (you know--"Breathe! Push! Hee-hee-hooooo You got it! You're doing great! Almost there!" I went to lamaze classes with her and everything), but somewhere around the 4th or 5th hour of contractions, I was demoted to "event photographer"--replaced by my father. Well, I felt demoted at the time, at least. This new position afforded me quite the vantage point, though. I thought I would be totally grossed out watching the business downstairs, but I wasn't. I was mezmerized. This little person that we've been eagerly awaiting--this baby that we've been talking through a belly to and arguing over who gets to feel her movements for the past few months--is arriving. And I'm watching. I saw hair, a head, a nose, a chin, shoulders, and then there she was. I almost forgot to take a picture (Candace wanted a picture of the last push--just for her). I was.....there are now words for how that moment felt. I had witnessed a brand new life being brought into the world. What an extraordinary thing to see!

Lily weighed in at 8 lbs 2.5oz. She came into the world with much the same disposition she has now. She didn't cry. At all. This worried the doctors. Candace was supposed to have one of those "give the baby to mamma right away and clean her up when you get a minute afterward" births, but the docs were afraid something might be wrong with Lily--maybe fluid in her lungs or a blocked airway. So they took her to the baby station and mamma was left wondering what was wrong. I followed them, snapping picture after picture, constantly assuring Candace that she had the most beautiful baby girl with ten fingers and ten toes and her mamma's eyes (you should have seen the look on Candace's face--it was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. She couldn't leave the bed, so all she could do was strain to see over peoples' heads to try and get a look at her new little person. She was upset--she looked like she just wanted to cry). They didn't find anything wrong with Lily though. She simply didn't feel the need to cry. To this day, she never cries unless she's hungry and hasn't been fed, or poopy and hasn't been changed. She's the happiest, funniest, smartest, most beautiful person I know. I love her so much!!

I am so proud of Candace. She is so strong! What a trooper!! Once she started pushing, she was done in about 20 minutes. That's all! She was so determined to get Lily out and in her arms--so determined to finally be a mother, and she got the job done in record time!

So Lily was born and now we had to return to our predicament. There was nothing anyone could say to my mother to convince her to do what was best for the demon child who won't stand aside and let her get her way all the time (me). Luckily, my dad came to the rescue (yet again), and insisted that I move to Texas and live with him.

So I did. Two weeks later, Ray moved out here too. We've lived with my dad up until now. I know--you're wondering, "What's that supposed to mean?" That means I'm breaking up with Ray. I have never felt more disrespected and mistreated by anyone in my entire life. He has some anger issues. He has trust issues. He has a lot of good points too, but I rarely see that side of him anymore. I can't do it anymore. I refuse to let myself continue to be hurt by him. I'm done.

Anyway, now that the "catch up" post is over with, I'll be writing more regularly. Just had to get that out of the way.

(Some cute pics of Lily)

I know--she's adorable.


  1. oh she is very cute. i'm sorry to hear all the drama. but lol great minds think alike we have the same blog colors/ too funny.

  2. hey ash good stuff. and you should know better i read with a very open mind and extremely soft heart i know most of the time im a dick