Thursday, May 22, 2008

At a loss...or am I?

So I don't really have much to write about. Just writing for the sake of writing.

I've been packing. It's weird. I'm not sad, but I feel weird. It's probably because I'm headed somewhere where I don't know anyone (except my sister). Starting over. It's hard to say it's a blessing, because that sounds mean...but I feel like I'm getting a new life. A chance to start over where no one knows me or my family. No one has any pre-conceived notions about who or what I am. It will be an interesting experience.

I thought I knew myself. Completely. I thought I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted out of life. I thought I knew. But recent events have proven me wrong. I realise now that I am much more complex than I thought I was. I was proud of my non complexity, actually. Not anymore.

Does it sound weird that I'm surprised by my own depth?

Yes. It does, I guess.

I'm entering into a whole new section of my life. Not even a new chapter. Maybe Act Two....or something. This is huge. I'm excited to see where life takes me from here. I'm a little saddened by what I'm leaving behind though. I mean, I'm not sad about the divorce because this is something that needs to happen. But we were together for 3 years. That's a lot of time considering the fact that I'm only 21. It's also a LOT of memories. I'm also leaving behind friends that I've known almost my whole life. I'm leaving my mountains. I'm leaving my lakes. I'm leaving my CAT! But I get to see my sister--and I get to be an aunt! I get to see Florida! I get to meet new people and make new friends! I get sandy beaches and warm, sunny skies! I get palm trees! And the ocean!

So, as you can see, this is all very bitter-sweet.

Not quite sure how to feel...

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